Sex Education at an English Cram School or Opportunity Missed?
The Role of a Cram School Teacher
My role as a [cram school] teacher is to teach English: play some games, get through a set curriculum, correct pronunciation, keep them busy, work fast, send them home, repeat. However, as a mental health therapist and sex educator, I can't help but want to do more than that. After all, I have the expertise, passion, and degree to equip them with other valuable life skills. Of course, I don't change the curriculum to fit my personal interests, but when working with teenagers, conversations on sex and relationships is unsurprisingly relevant.
Conversation with QAs.
At the cram school I work for, I teach students "QAs." QA's are Question and Answer style conversations that introduce new vocabulary to students and, ideally, is a way to learn useful conversational phrases. The question and answers are pre-made, with fill-in-the-blank parts to insert into the answer as a way to personalize the response. I would love to give you an example straight from the curriculum, but I don't want to lose my job due to violating copyright infringement. I do have to make a living, after all. Here is one I made up:
Q: Which Hogwarts house are you in? Why?
A: I'm in _____ because I am ______.
Gryffindor; daring and brave
Hufflepuff; loyal and patient
Ravenclaw; intelligent and creative
Slytherin; ambitious and cunning
*students are also encouraged to think of their own unique answers which would then be added to the list for students to write into their books
My Missed Opportunity with Sex Education
Following along? Okay, so here is my story: I have an advanced class, with students aging from 13-16 years old. Their QA asks what they're allowed to do, and not allowed to do. This QA seemed ordinary enough, with answers varying around what they can and can't get away with concerning their parents.
stay out past midnight
chew betel nut (author’s note: a fruit/drug that acts as a stimulant, described as something between caffeine and cocaine. It visually looks pretty gross, as it leaves your whole mouth this oozy red color; linked to mouth cancer)
watch porn
smoke cigarettes
talk back to my parents
Progressive Vocabulary in an Educational Setting
Oh wow, cram school, look at you feeling comfortable mentioning porn. This was a pleasant surprise. I take the stance that if students are here to learn English, we might as well teach them English. Words that might be an uncomfortable topic, like pornography, shouldn't be avoided (when age appropriate).
Although I recognize even in one's native language, adults usually avoid providing students with accurate, evidence-based language around sex. I do wonder whether the writer of the question expected porn movies to get paired with "not allowed to..."
In the pattern of encouraging students to come up with their own answers, I tried to ask students what other things they are allowed to do. As with most of my teenaged classes, this group is usually unwilling to talk unless being directed to do so.
Even then, they will either stare at you in silence or avoid your eyes in silence, gambling on the fact that if they stay quiet long enough, I as the teacher, will give up on trying to force them to answer in English and move on. It usually works.
"Okay... so what are you not allowed to do?"
Kids Will Be Kids, No Matter Where
This was an opportunity for some of the comedic, disruptive boys to chime in. One of them stood up and gestured something. "I'm not allowed to touch people." Other kids started to laugh. If he was trying to get a reaction out of me, he didn't get the one he was expecting.
"Yeah! Good. You are not allowed to touch people without permission. What else?"
Another boy, trying to be silly and inappropriate, stood up and started to gesture around the crotch of his pants. Other students were giggling in surprise. He was having difficulty formulating the words in English but was implying genitals. "I'm not allowed to show..."
I think the specific wording he was trying to say was private parts, so I gave him the sentence structure and vocabulary. "I'm not allowed to show someone my private parts without permission," I said.
"Yeah."
Yeah, indeed. Another relevant answer. We're talking about consent, a very crucial conversation to have at any age, whether through the #metoo movement in the U.S. or at cram school somewhere in Taiwan. It was subtle and not in depth, but it was there. Two boys, albeit trying to be silly, acknowledging what is not appropriate sexual behavior.
Besides the two boys that got riled up, most other students were still silent. I wanted them to come up with their own responses in English. I told all the students to stand up and give me an answer. They cannot sit until they say something.
Listen to the Students
The classroom happens to be divided between the girls and the boys. They self-selected the seating. I walked around the girls' side of the room. When going around the room, and listening to what they had to say, most of the responses ended up being dating and sex-related.
Female student #1: "I'm not allowed to go to my boyfriend's home."
Me: "Oh, do you have a boyfriend?"
Shakes head.
"Okay."
Female student #2: "I'm not allowed to date."
I smirked a little, she might have read on my face that I thought that was silly. "How old are you?"
"13."
"When are you allowed to date?"
"18."
"Okay."
Female student #3: "I'm not allowed to have sex."
Me: "Okay."
Female student #4: "I'm not allowed to date girls."
Me: "Why not?"
"My parents don't like homosexuals."
"Okay."
Co-Teachers’ Opinions on Sex Education
I didn't intend to challenge or spend time on any of these statements. It was useful information to have about these particular teens. I wrote some of the responses on the whiteboard to copy the correct spelling and Mandarin translation. I half laughed at their sex and relationship related thoughts. It's not my ideal way to discuss sexuality, leaving these parental demands from their teens up in the air, but I was happy to model being comfortable and open to talk about these things within the context we were given. The curiosities of sex and relationships are likely on their minds pretty frequently at this developmental turning point. I am unsure of where Taiwanese teens can talk about these things.
My co-teacher agreed most of the answers on the board were fine to keep up there, but she did want to erase the two answers the boys came up with: "touch people without permission" and "show someone my private parts."
"I don't want their parents reading these," she said, and away they went. What was left of the additional answers were:
date
have sex
go to my boyfriend/girlfriend's house
go to a nightclub
An After Work Recap
After work, I shared my amusement with my partner. I told him about the answers the boys gave, how they were trying to be funny, but I accepted their answers, and that they got erased.
"That's ridiculous." He frowned, "The two answers about consent were the ones that got erased? Those were the most necessary ones." His disappointment surprised me. At the time, I simply accepted that wasn't what my co-teacher wanted parents to see and got on with it. But it was true. They were essential answers because they highlighted consent, and we ended up devaluing that by erasing them.
Reflections on Sex Education
I couldn't help but think more about the class after that. I often reflect on moments in the classroom when I could have modeled something better. I realized I made some critical missteps in my teaching strategy that day. I took a question with two parts, what one is allowed to do, and what one is not allowed to do, and inadvertently spent more time focusing on the latter. Then we erased any remarks highlighting consent. What was left on the board was a list of restrictions on teenage sexuality, things they're not allowed to do. Opportunity missed. Of course, they could choose to put the possible answer into what they are allowed to do. One student did say she is allowed to have sex, even though it was someone else's answer for what they are not allowed to do, but it was more a disappointment in how I ended up funneling the answers than anything else.
The Value in a Sex Education Opportunity Missed
This was a valuable lesson in how to be a more effective teacher the next time around. The more I teach, the more I feel confident that if I were ever to be a teacher in the U.S., I would want to educate youth on sex and relationships. This was a thought-provoking stepping stone into that.